I can RUN again =/

Today's weight:222
Today's workout: Slow and unfocused. 4 miles in 50 min on the elliptical, and a mile on the mill at 5.5

I was benched 6 weeks ago from running. I have recurring shin splints in my right leg. Funny how things work out. I am trying to lose weight, yet because of my weight my workout is causing my body harm. Seems like a catch 22. 

Anyway, I was cleared to start running again today, but reminded to take it slow. Really really slow. The trainer at my gym said a mile 3 days a week for 2 weeks then I can up it by .5 a mile a week, no running more then 4 days a week and if I feel anything I need to extend the time at each interval. Not exactly the words I wanted to hear. I am running a half marathon September 4th!!!

 Well, I am obviously not running it. They give you 4 hours to complete it and even at a 15 minute mile I should finish in less the 3:30 hours.  It just isn't what I was hoping for. Part of me thinks I will still try to run it =/ I know not a smart statement. What good does it do me to run it, just to injure myself that day and be sat out again. I am just ANGRY about it! I have been training for 6 months for this and my FAT ASS is what is keeping me from doing it! I think the most frustrating part of it, is that I am capable of running that far. When I got injured I was running 5 miles a day 5 days a week in 55 minutes! I was breaking a sweat, but the only reason I was stopping was I only have 2 free hours of child watch at the gym and would need to shower and get dressed because there is no way to do that at home with both kiddos. I was well on my way to a VERY successful run with an estimated finish less then 3 hrs. I know it is still a success. I know it is going to be fun and I am going to be glad I did it. Now I can complete it with my friend Amy who never had any desire to run the whole thing, yet planned to interval the race. But I am still disappointed.

Part of me doesn't get it. About 3 years ago I started this weight loss journey at almost the same place (about 15 lbs higher around 240).  I did a plan at my local Dr. office that put you on a modified carb diet (which I am using again), they gave you and appetite suppressant (which I only used for 6 weeks) but then you got the b12 injections (OMG MISS THEM!!!). I did great! I was losing any where form 8-10 lbs a month did the plan for 6 months and lost 54 lbs. I was also running. I learned that the elliptical didn't do much for me. I guess although I am fat, I have always been active and the elliptical wasn't cardiovascular challenging enough. Both of my super thin sisters run (I'll blog about them later) so I developed a 5k a day workout. I ran a 5k a day 5 days a week. It took me maybe a month & a half to build up to it and that was is it. I stayed on that course hard and heavy for close to a year. I hate to run, I still hate to run. But I LOVE what it does for me and for my body! As much as I hate it, I love the way I feel when I am done with a run, I loved all my new size 12 clothes I bought from Express, I loved the way my husband couldn't keep his hands of of me, I just LOVED the way I felt! All the time! I still wanted to loose about 30 more lbs. But I knew those last few would be the hardest and I knew I could do it, but I got pregnant. Don't get me wrong we were trying, I wanted that baby girl =) but between our move to a new base, and a few weeks not staying focused I gained back 16lbs overnight, then I had gotten out of my grove and then was pregnant chasing a 2 yr old so I was exhausted. So needless to say workouts out the window. At least I stay focused on my eating and didn't gain the 60lbs I did with my son, I still gained 30, added to the 16 I had already gained, and the 30 I still needed to loss. Hence where I am a year later ( a year after the baby, 3 yrs from the original start).

Ok pretty sure I just rambled on about something. So the long and the short is I can run again. I was off my game at the gym and was running pretty slow on the elliptical tonight and not really sure why. I was running a 12.5 min mile when I am usually at 10-11. SO I cut my workout short. I had completed 4 miles in 50 minutes, then hoped on a treadmill and completed a mile in 12. Its my standard go to pace. It is slow and easy. I ran with ease. I feel a tinge in my left knee, but i am sure that is my 222 lbs coming back down on it and it has been a few weeks since I have been running. I wanted to keep going, as much as I hate running. I just know it works! But I will do my best to heed my trainer and my doctors advice. I will take it slow. I want to be running again, I want to become a runner, I mean have you ever meet a fat runner?